Regrets
by chenology345
Summary: A case gone wrong causes Judy to struggle with a life of guilt and regrets that affect both her personal and professional life. She feels there is only one way to end this pain and suffering. Find the perpetrator, and end her.


**Author's Note: This chapter has a death of a major character! Forgot to mention that in an earlier draft, whoops, sorry about that!**

It was a quiet night, much like Nick's every other night shifts. Nick sat impatiently at the passenger seat of the parked cruiser, counting down the minutes until his shift was over. In the driver's seat was his partner, Judy Hopps, who was doing her best to keep Nick entertained.

Judy turned to Nick, "I spy with my little eye something that's blue."

"Your eyes are actually quite big," Nick teased.

"You're not playing the game right."

Nick said tiredly, "Is it the car in front of us?"

"Nope! Guess again!"

Nick picked up a blueberry donut from their box of donuts, "Is it the blueberries in this donut?"

"Nope!"

Nick took a bite, "I give up."

Judy punched his arm, "Come on Nick! It's no fun if you don't try!"

Nick smirked and rolled his eyes, "I don't think I Spy has ever been fun."

She crossed her arm with pouty face, "Well if you want to know-"

Nick chimed in, "I didn't."

She punched his arm again, "-it was the blue car to my left!"

Nick didn't bother looking to his left to see the car. Instead he closed his eyes and started to slouch down in his seat, getting himself ready for a nap.

"Nick! You can't take a nap! We still have two more hours of our shift! " Judy exclaimed while waving her arms.

"But Judy!" Nick whined.

"If I have to stay awake, so do you!"

"Fine." It was Nick's turn to make a pouty face.

"Man I thought being a police officer would be much more exciting," Nick said.

He turned to her and winked, "You sure are a sly bunny for conning me into this job."

She rolled her eyes, "Well, I just thought I needed a buddy to suffer the utter boredom of police work with me."

Her voice shifted into a more contemplative tone, "It's true though, there really hasn't been much for us to do, she smiled, "But I learned that's a good thing, that means the city is safe."

Nick muttered, "Yeah, that's true."

They sat in silence for a few minutes. Judy stared at her paws, contemplating what to say next to break the silence. Nick looked out the window, deep in thought about his past. He had done many things he regretted in the past. Cons, bribery, thievery, drug pushing, he's done every petty or minor crime out there. He always justified his actions, maintaining it was what he needed to do to survive. That didn't mean the guilt went away easily however.

Nick turned to Judy and broke the silence, "Hey Judy, do you think you're making Zootopia a better place as a police officer?"

Judy turned to him, "Yeah of course, I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't think I was. Don't you?"

Nick said, "I'm really not sure. I've only been a police officer for 3 months, and well...all I've done so far was hand out parking tickets, eat donuts, and sit in this car."

Judy said, "Yeah...I know what you mean. But even our presence alone is important to lower crime. Mammals are less likely to commit a crime if there are police officers around."

"I guess that's true," Nick said nonchalantly.

Judy added, "I know it's hard...it's hard to do this after the thrill and excitement of the Night Howler case. It took me awhile to get used to the normal day by day police work."

Nick said, "Yeah, but it's not even that Carrots. I didn't join the ZPD for the excitement of it. If I wanted excitement, I could've joined a gang or become a stuntfox. I joined the ZPD for two reasons. One, I wanted to be a part of the pack, and I've found that here, especially with the wolves. The other reason is that I wanted to change. I wanted to atone for my past by doing good deeds as a police officer. I know a good deed doesn't cancel a sin, but...I want to feel like I'm a changed fox and that I'm making Zootopia a better place.

His past memories were enough to make him feel a bit down, making his ears droop. He looked down at his paws, riding through the emotions.

Stuck in his own world, he was surprised when Judy rested her paw on his own.

"Trust me Nick, you are. You may not know it, but you are."

Nick looked at Judy and smiled, but then retracted his paw from Judy's.

"I want to believe you, I really do Carrots, but-"

Their conversation was interrupted by the dispatch.

"Dispatch here. Just received word that there's a suspicious figure lurking around the shipyard on Elm Street and Forest Street. Witnesses say that the suspect is about four feet tall, wearing all black, and is armed."

Judy grabbed the radio, "Squad 5 here, will pursue.

Judy turned on the siren and stepped on the gas.

"We're going to stop an armed criminal from harming anybody, good enough work for you slick?"

He smirked, "Better than being on patrol."

During the whole car ride, Nick could feel an adrenaline rush and his nerves acting up. It wasn't just from Judy's questionable driving skills, but also the idea of confronting a potentially dangerous and armed mammal.

 _Oh god, armed means guns, and guns mean death_.

Nick always knew going into this profession that there was a chance that he was going to die, but it was just a hypothetical situation before. Now it's real.

* * *

Nick and Judy arrived at the shipyard. They both promptly exit the car and walked silently and cautiously towards the entrance.

"Woah," Judy marveled.

It was a large shipyard with stacks of containers organized into rows. The longshoremammals tend to be large animals, and as such, the area needed to accommodate for their size and their equipment. This in turn, made this area especially large for the relatively small rabbit and fox.

Judy motioned with her paws to split up, then to meet back here in 15 minutes. Nick nodded in agreement, but Judy noticed that something was a bit off. The confidence that was usually in his eyes wasn't there. She wondered if he was nervous and debated for a few seconds if splitting up was a good plan. She decided against it, opting to give him a quick pep talk instead.

Judy gave him an encouraging smile and squeezed his paw, "I trust you Nick, you can do this."

Nick smiled back, "Yeah I can do this."

She then ran off towards her direction, focused on her mission to catch this suspect.

With his heart still pounding, Nick went the opposite direction. He stayed low and slowly crept around the containers, trying his best to remember his training while being aware of his surroundings. He thanked the stars that he had night vision, as it was pitch dark in the shipyard. He had his ears curled at a different direction every few seconds, listening for any footsteps. He held his gun with both hands, with his finger on the trigger.

He could feel the palpitations in his chest with each beat reminding him that he's alive for now. In an attempt to calm himself down, he thought about how the academy did in fact prepare them well for this kind of situation, and how he would always ace the simulations. It didn't work that well. He would feel sweat coming down his face; a creeping reminder that this was no simulation, but it was in fact the real deal.

With each four-way intersection he would come across, he would pause and listen very carefully for any other mammal. If he didn't hear anything, he would slither across, quickly facing both directions to see if there was anyone. At the twelfth intersection, he heard several footsteps heading towards the center while his ears curled towards the left.

 _Shit there's someone to the left, it could be the suspect!_

His mind told him this was his chance to have the element of surprise. He decided to stay put and wait for the suspect to reach the center of the intersection. Once the suspect does, he would use that chance to ambush and subdue them. Feeling good about this plan, he crouched down by the corner and waited.

As each second passed, the nerve wracking anticipation worsened. He felt his body starting to freeze up from this great fear. His mind started to feel cloudy, shooting out doubts about his own ability to apprehend a suspect. His head and palms started to become sweatier, and he started to get up to run away. As he stood up to escape, a valiant voice appeared in his head.

 _No, Nick, this your chance. Your fucking chance! Your fucking chance to show Zootopia that you're not just a sly fox. That you've changed and that you're willing to do good, even when it means putting your life at risk. You can do this, you know all this stuff. You can do this._

Nick crouched back down, feeling confidence returning to his body.

 _I can do this._

He smiled, thinking how he was becoming an active contributor to the safety of Zootopia.

Just then, he saw a dark figure walking across the center of intersection. The dark figure was about his height, just slightly more slender and shorter. He could smell the suspect's musk, and was able to deduce that it was a female red vixen.

 _That must be the suspect! This is my chance!_

He then realized something.

 _Wait...musks are strong scents, especially for foxes. If i hadn't been so distracted, I probably could've smelled her much sooner._

Nick silently gasped.

 _Shit...she must've known I've been here for a long time._

He tried to quickly point the gun at the vixen, but it was too late. He heard several shots coming from a gun with a silencer. Immediately, he felt several bullets enter his chest, and out through his back. The impact of the bullets caused to fall against the wall. He gritted his teeth from the burning pain in his chest radiating all over his body and watched as the vixen ran away.

 _Shit, I was hit._

He wished he could run after the suspect, but his legs already felt too weak from the severe pain. He felt sweat coming down the sides of his head and found it becoming increasingly difficult to breathe. His head slumped down, and he saw his uniform was already soaked in blood.

 _Dying fox observation #1: I bleed quickly._

He knew he didn't have much time left, he guessed he probably had about 10 minutes at most. His vision started to get blurrier and his focus was waning. Despite all of this, he mustered a smile on his face.

 _God, only a few months in the force and it's come to this already. Me, dying alone, in a shipyard. Heh, well I never expected to make it to retirement, but I thought i would live for at least 5 years? 10 years tops. God, even at my deathbed I'm acting like an idiot._

He started to think about his parents. He smirked as he started to tear up.

 _Mom, dad, boy am I glad you guys aren't alive to see this...a failed and dying police officer after years of petty crimes. Goddamnit, I didn't even make it past my first year. I can't even imagine how ashamed you guys are of me._

A sigh escaped from his mouth.

 _I'm sorry mom and dad. I never became the fox you wanted me to be. I joined the police force to try to be a son you could be proud of. I could've finally been a fox that does some good in this world, but then...before I could...well, this happened...Sorry for failing you again._

Nick mentally sent out this apology to his deceased parents, praying that it somehow reached them. He then started hacking out some blood, causing more severe pain to travel from his chest all over his body.

 _God that hurt._

Finnick then appeared in his mind. He winced as he remembered the look of betrayal on Finnick's face when he first told him that he was going to join the ZPD.

 _Finnick…I'm sorry man. I'm sorry for abandoning you like that._

The memory continued with a heated argument between Finnick and Nick. They didn't hold back, flying obscenities at each other.

 _Words were said that...shouldn't have been said. I was mad, mad that you weren't happy for me. That you weren't happy that I was trying to be a better fox. But I understand now, you were distraught that I was abandoning you after 10 years. 10 good years. Who wouldn't be mad after that?_

The memory ended with Finnick staring back at him, a look of betrayal once again on his face. He then closed his head, turned around, and walked away. They never spoke again afterwards.

 _I hope...that someday you forgive me for leaving you, but understand that I had to do this. I just wished...it didn't also mean losing our friendship."_

He heard footsteps getting louder and louder.

 _Is that my killer? Coming back to finish the job?_

"Oh my god! Nick!" a voice screamed.

He could hear the footsteps sprinting towards him until it stopped. He then felt a gentle paw brush against his left cheek.

"Judy? Is that you?" Nick said weakly.

"Shh shh, don't talk Nick. Save your energy. It's going to be fine. It's going to be fine. I'm going to call in for help right now," Judy said.

He tried to protest, telling her that it was too late for him.

After Judy talked to dispatch about needing backup and medics, she looked back at Nick.

She whispered, "Oh gosh, this doesn't look good. You already lost so much blood."

Nick felt an overwhelming sense of dread hearing that. To hear another mammal tell him that he was going to die seemed to solidify the inevitability of his death. The sense of dread allowed his feelings of regret to return.

Judy whispered, "Nick...please don't go. You're...you're my best friend."

Judy started tearing up and wrapped her arms around Nick's torso, as if she was trying to keep his soul inside his body. He wished he had the strength to hug her back, but he just simply couldn't.

She pleaded, "Please don't go...I need you here."

Nick could only hack out blood in response. He felt his time was coming very soon.

 _If only I was quick enough...I wouldn't have to leave Judy like this._

Regrets swirled into his soul, filling his body with an agonizing pain that had nothing to do with the bullets.

He knew he had to say something before he went, and so he drew all his strength to say this short statement.

"I'm sorry Judy, my dumb bunny."

And with that said, he drew his last breath and everything went dark.

He was gone.


End file.
